Coincidence?

Oggy went to the beach today to breath the air, feel the sand, and almost get arrested...
Oggy only wanted to check the water temperature so he could decide if it was warm enough to take his boogey board in. It wasn't. 62 degrees is too cold. HE was standing there watching the surfers ride some froth and...

"Put your hands on your head."
Wha?
"Put your hands on your head."
Why?
"Because we just watched you purchase some drugs from a van on 18th and speedway."
Who? Me?
"Do you have any needles or smack?"
You aren't serious. You're asking me, if I have smack or needles?
"Where are the needles? In your pocket?"
This is insane. I walked up here two seconds ago.

Another man walks up and starts to frisk Oggy.

Jesus. Are you a cop too?
"Narcotics, pacific division."
Are you just going to steal my wallet? Is that what this is about? You flash a fake badge and steal my wallet.

"We watched you score some smack from a van."
That's preposterous. Insane. I'm blown away. This must be a scam. You guys are kidding.

"Keep your hands on your head."

Oggy could do nothing. His heart was beating because he realized he was in the unique position of being completely innocent and he had nothing left to lose. He could be as mouthy and uncooperative as he wanted because morally he had nothing to lose. Jail would be a welcome relief from the day to day grind that is his pathetic life. Hell, Oggy might even have access to some medical treatment, something he completely lacks as a free, law-abiding and broke man.

This is offensive, he said. This is an offensive attack and you are completely mistaken. I don't even eat the pizza down here. You think I'd buy heroin and shoot up in the bathroom? You think I'm insane?

"Keep your hands on your head."

Oggy was frisked. At one point a narc put his hand in Oggy's coat pocket.

"What's this?"

Why don't you put your hand in there and find out? Go ahead. It won't bite.

The cop smiled.

"It feels like a pen."

Really? And not a needle full of heroin? What a shock! Listen, when you don't find any drugs on me I want you to apologize for this intrusion. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you were wrong.

Oggy was feeling confident. These narcs were children, misguided children and they had entered Oggy's strange world. He could say whatever he wanted to them.

You guys think you're Keanu Reeves in Point Break? Undercover Narcotics agents. Surfing. Girls? How's that working out for you?

"Where do you live?"

If you don't believe me when I say I didn't buy heroin then why would you trust me when I tell you where I live?

"Look, I'm just asking you."

But you don't trust me. I already told you that I don't have any drugs and you didn't believe me. Now you want me to tell you where I live as if I'll start telling the truth then. What kind of monster do you think I am?

The cop looked down the beach. This was an unusual bust. Normally the junkie justs starts to beg for forgiveness. He tried to keep his calm, totally unaware that Oggy is on the breaking point. That Oggy in fact, is repulsed by mankind and it's petty ways. Oggy just yesterday renounced all that America stands for.

"Where do you live?"

You don't trust me. So whatever I say is moot. It's pointless. Futile. Futile and useless just like everything. You want to know where I live? Take my wallet out of my pocket, don't steal my twenty dollars, and look at my driver's license. Call it in. Check my warrants. Do your job. Just don't plant a needle full of heroin on me.

The narc took out Oggy's wallet.

"You live on Beethoven st."

That's what the card says. Lord, I thought MY job was pointless.

"Ok, we saw you buy something from a van."

You were mistaken! Buy something from a van? I just got here two seconds ago! And here I've got to defend myself. You're accusing me of an insane act? You think I'm a heroin junkie? DO I LOOK LIKE A HEROIN JUNKIE?

Oggy actually does look like a heroin junkie so that wasn't the best question to ask.

Oggy would have liked to stay and chat with the narcs but they were satisfied that they could either not plant any drugs on him.

"I told you I'd apologize and I'm sorry," said the first cop.

But Oggy wasn't satisfied. The apology wasn't genuine. Oggy felt that the cop really believed that Oggy had ditched the drugs before he got caught. That in the narc's mind Oggy is a junkie, hippie scum.

"Have you ever been arrested?" asked the younger, cockier narc.

So Oggy had to tell about the whole bicycle basket incident in which Oggy found an abandoned bicycle that had a piece of paper that said "This bicycle is scheduled to be removed by the city of Arcata." It was scheduled to be removed the next day so Oggy decided to salvage a basket off the back. The basket was nice, one of those old school double style grocery baskets. With a rack. Very practical bicycle basket, which is all Oggy owned at the time. Oggy cut part of the twine that was holding the basket on and the next thing he knows he's in his socks at the Eureka Police Department having his fingers stamped with ink and his mug shot taken. How humiliating. Was it a sting operation?
Of course, a crime only exists if there is a victim and since the bike was abandoned there was no victim. And the charges of petty theft were dropped and Oggy moved on with his life. Oggy was relating this story to the narc and was just about to launch into his moral rationalization of the episode by explaining that when Oggy is on the beach or in the woods and he finds trash (abandoned property) he will pick it up and throw it away...even carrying cans and plastic bottles many miles to recycle it...never expecting a dime or a thank you. He considers it his responsibility to do this and needs no government to tell him it's a good thing. On the flip side, when he finds abandoned property (a bike that is covered with cobwebs and hasn't been moved in two years and has a sign that says it is about to be seized by the city because it has been abandoned) then he will act on the same impulse, the same ethical standards that he uses when he finds trash, that he will take what he can from the bike. If the bike were not locked, he would take the whole bike. Why not? It would save the city some time and money dealing with the bike. In this case, the bike was locked and all Oggy wanted was the basket. And he got arrested and now found himself on a beach in Venice with two narcotics agents in his pockets and his hands on his head trying to explain the moral reasoning he used when taking that basket.

Well, Oggy never got to explain all this to the narc, who was long gone

"Now you have a Venice experience to talk about."

I LIVE HERE! This is my HOME! I'm not a tourist.

They were gone. Oggy moved on with his life and eventually met up with the piano player who had bought a new upright piano and was getting it set up.

Oggy wants to go buy some heroin just to spite the narcs.