Oggy Goes to Hollywood: The Screenplay
FADE IN:
INT. STUDIO EXECUTIVE BOARD ROOM
A well dress studio executive sits with a script in his
hands. He flips over the last page.
STUDIO HEAD
Amazing. Oggy...you are brilliant.
Didn't you think so, Harvey?
Harvey is another studio executive sitting nearby.
HARVEY
The next Abby Mann. No doubt about
it. Oggy, we're giving you a blank
check on this. No negotiation. Just
write the number you want.
Pull back to reveal Oggy (34) sitting across the table from
the executives. Oggy has slicked back hair, shiny, smooth
chin. His clothes are from the best boutiques on Rodeo Drive.
OGGY
It's not about the money, Harv. How
many times do I have to tell you?
It's about the projects. Are they
meaningful? This one is. I'm glad
you agree.
STUDIO HEAD
Agree? We're thinking Tom Hanks as
the lead. We've got Hanks, right?
HARVEY
He said he wanted Oggy's next
project sight unseen. So there you
go.
STUDIO HEAD
So there you go. Oggy stands.
OGGY
I'll let you fellas take it from
here.
Oggy exits.
CUT TO:
EXT. VALET PARKING
An attendant hands Oggy the keys to his convertible Mazerati.
OGGY
Nice wax job.
ATTENDANT
Nothing but the best for you, Mr.
Bleacher. Sold another script?
OGGY
Looks like it.
ATTENDANT
You just can't miss.
OGGY
I'm happy for the opportunity.
Look. Get yourself something nice
for the weekend.
Oggy hands the attendant a $100 bill.
ATTENDANT
Thanks! Thanks a lot, Mr. Bleacher!
Oggy speeds off as the light turns green. He pulls up next to
a car full of hot girls. They turn to look at him.
HOT GIRLS
Is that Oggy Bleacher, the hot new
screenwriter? Get him to come home
with us.
OGGY
Sorry, I'm taken.
Oggy speeds off. He stops at a stop light. The sun is shining
on his evenly tanned face. Supertramp's "Dreamer" plays on
the Bose stero speakers. He smiles as a homeless person comes
over an knocks on his windshield.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Hey, Pops, I'll pay you a dollar
not to touch the car. Just had it
waxed.
The homeless guy doesn't hear. He knocks on the windshield
again and again and again...
MATCH CUT TO:
EXT. DAY LABOR HALL - DAY
A Mexican is knocking on a faded grey 1981 Datsun. Oggy,
bearded and dressed in paint-spattered clothes is sleeping in
the front seat, dreaming of this other life.
MEXICAN
Oggy! You want to work? Oggy wakes
up.
OGGY
What?
MEXICAN
Work. You want a ticket?
OGGY
Ah, fuck. You got a ticket?
MEXICAN
Yeah.
OGGY
How much it pay?
MEXICAN
You want it?
OGGY
Yeah. How much it pay?
MEXICAN
Minimum.
OGGY
What the fuck. The bathroom still
broke?
MEXICAN
Yeah.
OGGY
I'll see you in a minute. Gotta
piss.
Oggy rubs his face as the Mexican walks back to the labor
hall. Oggy looks at his red eyes in the rear view mirror, a
picture of weariness and poverty.
OGGY (CONT'D)
You ugly motherfucker.
Oggy gets out and zips up his pants. He then goes behind the
building and pisses on the wall. Then he hauls himself inside
the labor hall which is full of homeless transients.
CUT TO:
INT. LABOR HALL - DAY
OGGY
Where's the ticket?
BOOTS
Get enough sleep, Boston boy?
OGGY
Yeah. I shagged your old lady in
the trunk.
A few chuckles.
BOOTS
I'll give you my next ticket if you
keep her there.
OGGY
Deal.
Oggy picks up a ticket on the counter.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Gloves?
MEXICAN
All gone.
OGGY
Where's the ticket?
MEXICAN
Pacific Palisades.
OGGY
How the fuck am I gonna get to the
Palisades?
MEXICAN
You car.
OGGY
Cost me more in gas, man.
MEXICAN
That don't make your problem my
problem.
OGGY
Bunch of bullshit.
MEXICAN
You want to give the ticket back?
OGGY
And let one of these degenerates
take it? No. Fuck it. It's only
money.
MEXICAN
Then get going.
CUT TO:
EXT. PACIFIC PALISADES MANSION - DAY
Oggy is on his hands and knees tearing weeds out of the dirt.
An old lady stands nearby in a broad shade hat.
OLD LADY
The last man didn't get all the
weeds. You'll get all the weeds,
won't you?
Oggy looks up and wipes sweat from his eyes.
OGGY
What'll you do if I miss some
weeds? Call the police? Jesus!
OLD LADY
Rude.
Old lady walks away. Oggy tears some more weeds (he has no
gloves) and cuts his finger.
OGGY
Cunt!
CUT TO:
INT. LABOR HALL - NIGHT
Oggy walks in. The same people are looking at the sports
pages.
BOOTS
Motherfuker ain't done yet? How
many days you work in a row, Boston
boy?
OGGY
Take it one day at a time.
BOOTS
Damn. You'll be eating right
tonight.
OGGY
Steak and beer. How much this
ticket net me?
Mexican takes the ticket and calculates some numbers.
MEXICAN
Thirty-five dollars. Mexican counts
out a few bills.
OGGY
Better than a scratch on the ass.
BOOTS
Better than a tick on your prick.
OGGY
You said it.
Oggy takes the money and salutes the men.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Don't work too hard, fellas. They
might kick you off unemployment.
BOOTS
And what good would that do? For
the economy, I mean.
OGGY
Who the fuck knows? G'night all.
Oggy exits. He walks to his car. He sees a man sleeping on a
park bench.
WINO
Boston!
OGGY
Yo! Feelin' better?
WINO
Yep. My doctor said I had a whiskey
deficiency.
OGGY
No kidding?
Wino holds up a pint of whiskey.
WINO
And he was right!
OGGY
Who's you're HMO? Mine ain't worth
shit.
Wino laughs until he coughs. Oggy gets in his car and starts
it up. "Back in the High Life Again" by Steve Windwood plays
on the radio. The gas gauge reads empty.
CUT TO:
EXT. GAS STATION - MOMENTS LATER
Oggy carefully pumps $1.75 into the tank of his car. That's
.48 Gallons. A homeless guy wanders by.
HOMELESS GUY #1
Spare some change, governor?
OGGY
Dude, I ain't got shit.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT
Oggy parks his car and walks past a gate. Four dogs surround
him.
OGGY
Who's a good dog? Janie? Woofie?
Petey? Missy? Who's been a good dog
today?
George (60) meets Oggy at the door. George is an old man
dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops.
GEORGE
Must be nice to be working.
OGGY
Shit. Where's Freddy?
GEORGE
I broke up with him. You know he
lied to me.
OGGY
How's that?
GEORGE
He told me he was 17 years old.
OGGY
And.
GEORGE
And that's too old for me.
George laughs and plays with the dogs.
GEORGE (CONT'D)
There's a nice stew for you. Got it
at Costco for 89 Cents a pound.
OGGY
What's in it?
GEORGE
Lengua. I told Freddy he needed to
use his tongue more. Oggy looks at
his mail.
GEORGE (CONT'D)
Stephen Spielberg write you yet?
Oggy holds up some junk mail.
OGGY
No, but Mastercard did, and they're
richer.
GEORGE
CNN did a story on credit cards.
Said they'll be broke in five years
from fraud and defaults.
OGGY
Live by the sword, die by the
sword.
GEORGE
You should've seen Nadal today at
the Australian open. Flawless.
OGGY
That's my boy. I gotta go.
Oggy wanders past a "Clay Aiken" poster into the kitchen.
Looks in the pot on the stove. Takes out a cow tongue.
GEORGE (O.S.)
Back at the script?
OGGY
You know me. A slave to the art.
GEORGE (O.S.)
Have some stew.
OGGY
Later. Save me some.
On George: George points at the four dogs.
GEORGE
If you don't eat it, they will.
OGGY (O.S.)
I feel like rolling the dice,
George. Take my chances.
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM
Oggy goes into the bathroom and starts to take a piss. As
soon as he relaxes, another door opens. In walks a slobbish
year old, JOHN.
JOHN
Hey, Oggy. Give me a ride to the
casino?
OGGY
Got no money.
JOHN
I'll give you $40 plus gas.
OGGY
Feeling lucky?
JOHN
Dude. Totally.
OGGY
Maybe later.
JOHN
Cool. Just wake me up if I fall
asleep.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S ROOM
Oggy walks into his tiny room. 10 X 10. One small window
covered by iron bars. Oggy picks up a pile of dog shit with a
newspaper.
OGGY
Just once could you keep the dogs
out of my room!
GEORGE (O.S.)
It was Janie!
A helicopter flies by outside with a spot light shining down
nearby.
HELICOPTER POLICE
Step out of the vehicle!
Oggy sits down and starts up his computer. The phone rings.
Oggy answers it.
OGGY
Yep?
OGGY'S FATHER
Hello Oggy.
OGGY
Hey, dad.
OGGY'S FATHER
You just get back?
OGGY
Pretty much.
OGGY'S FATHER
What are you doing?
OGGY
Working like a dog.
OGGY'S FATHER
You get that fellowship?
Oggy looks at an incomplete application for a creative
writing fellowship. He throws it in the trash.
OGGY
Naw. They gave it to some rich
asshole.
OGGY'S FATHER
Well, you can always come home.
OGGY
Great. Who am I gonna stay with?
OGGY'S FATHER
Get an apartment.
OGGY
And a job?
OGGY'S FATHER
You have to work. I don't know what
want from me.
OGGY
What kind of advice are you handing
out?
OGGY'S FATHER
Just a suggestion.
OGGY
Opposed to what? Killing myself?
OGGY'S FATHER
Are you thinking about killing
yourself?
OGGY
Thinking about...? I'm a fucking
mule! Do they allow mules in
Heaven?
OGGY'S FATHER
Whatever, Oggy.
OGGY
Yeah, whatever. Write that on my
gravestone.
OGGY'S FATHER
Went out to dinner with Brooklyn.
OGGY
Good for you.
OGGY'S FATHER
Had the filet. Brooklyn makes good
money.
OGGY
Well good for Brooklyn. Some people
got a good life.
OGGY'S FATHER
Some people have careers.
OGGY
I'm a writer! That's what I do. I
gotta go write.
Oggy hangs up. He logs on to the internet and types... CU:
Address bar "www.youngwhoressuckblackcock.com" Oggy hits
enter. His face lights up.
OGGY (CONT'D)
That's the stuff!
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S ROOM - NEXT MORNING
Oggy is laying in bed. A clock reads 11.15. A television with
bunny ear antenna shows a Mexican soap opera. A man dressed
as a cowboy is arguing with a flamenco dancer. Oggy wakes up
and turns the television off. He opens the door of the
bathroom and finds John slumped over the toilet. John vomits
again.
OGGY
You ate George's stew?
JOHN
Awwww!
John points into the toilet.
JOHN (CONT'D)
Does that look like a kidney to
you?
Oggy looks into the toilet. Makes a face.
OGGY
Jesus! Whatever it is, you don't
need it anymore.
Oggy goes back into his room and pisses into a snapple
bottle. It overflows onto the rug.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Motherfucker!
Oggy walks through the swarm of dogs. George calls from his
bed. He's got an ice pack on his shoulder.
GEORGE
Nadal plays in the finals this
afternoon.
OGGY
Tivo it.
GEORGE
Of course. You get some of that
stew.
OGGY
Delicious.
GEORGE
Good.
OGGY
You feeling alright?
GEORGE
Got the spins again. Vertigo. Fell
down the steps.
OGGY
If it doesn't kill you...
GEORGE
...you'll wish it did. You going to
work.
OGGY
Don't know. I think I'm losing
money by working at that place.
GEORGE
It adds up.
OGGY
It's a bullshit ticket. I'm
supposed to be getting my foot in
the door. But it's not working out.
GEORGE
I got a friend who worked on that
movie.
OGGY
Which one?
GEORGE
That one with the alien.
OGGY
E.T.?
GEORGE
No. The Day the Earth Stopped.
OGGY
The Day the Earth Stood Still?
GEORGE
That's the one! Good movie.
OGGY
George, that was made in 1951!
GEORGE
That long ago?
OGGY
The crew of that must all be dead
now.
GEORGE
Uh, don't remind me. I took my wife
to that. Back when I was straight.
You know where Costco is?
OGGY
Yeah?
GEORGE
That was a drive in theater. And in
the winter they'd race horses.
Well, I don't want to keep you from
work.
OGGY
Right. Take care of yourself.
GEORGE
You bet. Pick us up some weed while
you're out.
OGGY
No problem.
Oggy walks out of the house.
EXT. VENICE BEACH - DAY
Oggy takes a seat near a basketball game. Someone hands him a
joint and he smokes it.
OGGY
What's swinging?
BEACH BUM
Same old scene.
OGGY
That's the way I like it. They
hiring guys to pick up litter?
BEACH BUM
A job?
Oggy nods.
BEACH BUM (CONT'D)
I wouldn't know about that.
A controversial play happens on the court. The players look
to Oggy.
BEACH BUM (CONT'D)
Foul!
OGGY
Naw. That was clean.
BEACH BUM
It was all arm.
OGGY
He travelled. And he charged.
BEACH BUM
So they cancel out?
OGGY
Yep.
BEACH BUM
Play on!
The players play on again. A couple girls in sun skirts walk
by.
BEACH BUM (CONT'D)
Fucking cock magnets.
OGGY
Damn. How hot's the water?
BEACH BUM
I don't go in the water. It's
polluted.
OGGY
But how hot is it?
BEACH BUM
Maybe less.
OGGY
Think I'll go for a swim.
Another controversial play happens on the court.
BEACH BUM
Foul!
Oggy nods.
OGGY
Total hack! See ya.
BEACH BUM
What?
Oggy walks away and buys a dollar slice of pizza. He checks
out some girls in bikinis.
OGGY
Wassap!
CUT TO:
INT. DENTIST OFFICE - DAY
Oggy is laying on the chair getting his teeth cleaned.
DENTIST
Lot of build up here. Are you sure
you're flossing?
OGGY
Uuuuh!
DENTIST
Try to brush more on these lower
teeth.
OGGY
Uuuuh!
CUT TO:
INT. LABOR HALL - DAY
Oggy walks in.
BOOTS
Look what the cat drug in!
OGGY
Fellas.
BOOTS
You on banker's hours now?
OGGY
Damn right. A man's entitled to
some rest after pulling back to
back ball busters.
BOOTS
Sheeeet. Back to back. Listen to
this motherfucker. Think's he's a
working man.
OGGY
Any tickets?
BOOTS
Ask the man.
Oggy walks up to the desk.
OGGY
Any tickets?
MEXICAN
Naw. Unless you want the Home Depot
ticket.
OGGY
I'll let you know when I'm
desperate.
Oggy takes a seat next to Boots.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Fucking Dodgers can't win a game.
BOOTS
I got me some pussy last night. Let
me tell you. That shit was tight.
OGGY
Good for you, Boots. Was crackhead
Mary having a sidewalk sale? Give
you half-priced head?
BOOTS
Shit. I don't pay for my pussy just
like I don't pay for my weed. Word!
Hey, baby, you from back east,
right?
OGGY
Sure.
BOOTS
Fella was in this morning he come
from back east too.
OGGY
Well shit. It's a big coast.
BOOTS
Place called Jersey. That near you?
OGGY
Sort of. Bought as close to New
Hampshire as Bakersfield is to L.A.
Maybe further.
BOOTS
Hampshah? That a real place or are
you makin' it up?
OGGY
Naw. It's real. It's a real
motherfucking place.
Close in on Oggy as he closes his eyes.
CUT TO:
EXT. PIRATES'S COVE BEACH - DAY
Close up on a hand placing a cassette tape in a walkman. "You
Give Love A Bad Name" begins to play. Subtitle: 1987 Oggy and
his friends are sitting at the beach.
NICK
You'll play for the Red Sox like
I'm gonna play for the Celtics.
OGGY
You watch. Gedman is due to retire
the same time I'm coming out of
double A Portland. They bring me up
at the deadline and the rest is
history.
DAN
Who's a fag?
OGGY
Nick!
DAN
Nick's a fag!
NICK
Fuck you guys. Just fuck you.
OGGY
Why you gotta be a fag, Nick?
NICK
What are you gonna do if the Red
Sox don't draft you?
OGGY
But they're gonna draft me.
NICK
But what if they don't.
OGGY
Dude, if the Red Sox don't draft me
then I'll just play for another
team. Maybe the Dodgers.
NICK
What if you don't get drafted?
OGGY
Nick, I swear on my life that I'm
going to get drafted. There is no
chance that I'm not gonna get
drafted. And hey, if I don't get
drafted I'll figure something out.
I'll be just fine.
(CONT'D)
CUT TO:
INT. LABOR HALL
DUMPSTER PETE
Found some doughnuts in the
dumpster!
OGGY
Any buttermilk bars?
DUMPSTER PETE
Come see. They all mixed up and
shit. But THEY STILL GOOD!
Hold on Oggy's face as he winces in pain. He watches the
other men rush to the bag of day old donuts. He is
sickened. Finally, Oggy goes and looks in the garbage bag
that Pete is holding.
BOOTS
They don't got shit jobs in
Hampshah? You got to move here and
take ours?
Oggy looks around as he eats his donut.
OGGY
Believe me, this wasn't part of my
master plan.
BOOTS
Oh, no? Shit. I thought you was
doing pretty good. Staying out of
jail. Got no support payments. You
doin' A-plus.
SPORTY
That's cause he ain't no 'ho' out
there gonna let him shoot them baby
rockets up in 'er.
OGGY
Hey, Sporty. Who the fuck asked
you?
Sporty goes back to reading the paper.
MEXICAN
Oggy! You want to move furniture?
OGGY
How much?
MEXICAN
You want it?
OGGY
Shit. Where is it? Where's the
ticket?
MEXICAN
Huntington Beach Mall.
OGGY
Shit. An all night ticket?
MEXICAN
Yes. Start at 10:30. Go to 6 am.
BOOTS
That shit cuts into your beatin'
off time, don't it?
OGGY
Why don't you go fuck yourself?
BOOTS
Maybe y'all could beat off during
the ten minute break they give you
around 3 tomorrow morning. Sporty
laughs.
OGGY
Moving what again?
MEXICAN
You know. The furniture. Opening a
new store. Counters and shit.
OGGY
Sounds like a ten an hour job.
MEXICAN
I think they pay minimum.
OGGY
That's bullshit.
MEXICAN
Anyone else want it?
BOOTS
My woman don't like me coming home
after dark. That shit don't fly wit
her.
SPORTY
Hollywood Park got the races
tonight.
The other men say nothing.
MEXICAN
You want it Oggy?
OGGY
Minimum? For moving solid wood
counters at three in the morning?
MEXICAN
Yeah.
OGGY
Fine. What the fuck.
BOOTS
That's my boy!
OGGY
I'm sure they'll have other guys
there.
CUT TO:
INT. HUNTINGTON BEACH MALL - NIGHT
Oggy is pushing a hand truck with a book shelf. A laborer
stands nearby.
LABORER
All them stores. Think about all
the money in them stores. I bet
that store right there has a couple
thousand in sunglasses. I don't
even got me a cheap pair of
sunglasses. Look! That price tag
says five hundred dollars. Hey!
That's close to a thousand dollars
for one pair of sunglasses.
Oggy puts the hand truck down. He rubs his shoulder.
OGGY
Dude. This is gonna be a long
fucking night if you window shop
while we got boxes of furniture to
move.
LABORER
Huh?
OGGY
I already fucked up my shoulder
tonight. Come on. We got to act as
a team.
LABORER
Huh?
Oggy tries to pull the bookshelf back onto the hand truck.
The weight shifts and the shelf and hand truck fall to the
ground. Oggy jumps out of the way.
CUT TO:
EXT. HUNTINGTON BEACH MALL - SUNRISE
Oggy shuffles up to his car as the sun sets. A well dressed
cosmetics service woman walks by in high heels.
COSMETICS LADY
Good morning!
OGGY
Sure it is.
Oggy sits on the trunk of his car and eats some packaged mini
donuts. He checks a bandage on his hand. Then he sits in the
car, leans the seat back and falls asleep.
CUT TO:
EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - DAY
Oggy gets out of his Mazerati. A dog comes running up to
him with a magazine in his mouth. Oggy takes the
magazine.
OGGY
Good boy. Look at that! Mama's on
the cover again.
A gorgeous playboy model is on the cover. Match cut her
pose to the ACTUAL MODEL standing in the doorway, wearing
a red lace nightgown.
MODEL
I've been playing with myself all
afternoon. You better come in here
and satisfy me.
Oggy pats the dog on his head. The dog's tail bangs on
the side of the car.
OGGY
Every dog has his day.
The dog's tail keeps banging on the side of the
car...louder and louder.
CUT TO:
EXT. HUNTINGTON BEACH MALL - DAY
A security guard is banging on the window of Oggy's car.
SECURITY GUARD
Wake up! You can't sleep here.
OGGY
Wa?
SECURITY GUARD
Gotta move on.
OGGY
I worked all night. I didn't want
to fall asleep on the road.
SECURITY GUARD
So go home.
OGGY
Ah, fuck.
CUT TO:
INT. LABOR HALL - DAY
Oggy walks up to the counter. He slams his ticket down.
BOOTS
There he is. The niggah who put
the white back in white bread.
OGGY
That was a bullshit ticket.
MEXICAN
I got bad calls, bro. Bad calls.
OGGY
They had some fucking moron
working with me. Couldn't pick up
his own two feet.
MEXICAN
You making excuses?
The Mexican points to a sign that says "NO EXCUSES!"
OGGY
What that ticket get me?
MEXICAN
They don't even want to pay.
Oggy points to a sign that says "WORK TODAY PAID TODAY"
OGGY
That don't make your problem my
problem. Pay it up or I throw a
fucking chair through that window.
MEXICAN
Fine. You want a check or a
voucher.
Oggy looks in his wallet. He has multiple receipts but no
money.
OGGY
Voucher. Give me the fucking
voucher.
Mexican processes the ticket.
MEXICAN
You get $41.
OGGY
Motherfucker. What a bunch of
bullshit. I can't even eat on $41
let alone pay my rent. Look at
this cut on my hand. Can't even
close my fingers.
BOOTS
They got room for you over at the
mission. You just wasting money on
rent.
OGGY
I told you I'm not going back
there. Fucking guys shit in the
shower, beat off all night. I'd go sleep
with the monkeys at the zoo.
BOOTS
Should make you feel right at
home.
OGGY
How am I gonna fuck your momma?
BOOTS
Oh! That's some shit. You here
what the white boy said.
DUMPSTER PETE
He got you good.
Oggy stands up. He holds his back as he winces in pain.
OGGY
Just kill me. Someone just kill
me. I'm not a slave. I'm a fucking...
sharecropper. Work another man's land
for nothing. Wish I was dead.
DUMPSTER PETE
We all be dead soon enough. Ain't
no hurry.
Oggy walks up to a vending machine. He looks inside and
then fishes around in his pocket. He looks at the change
he finds. Then he sits back down.
CUT TO:
INT. HEALTH CLUB - NIGHT
Oggy then slouches in a chair next to BARRY, an
incredibly fit body builder, who is behind the desk of a
health club.
BARRY
Twenty-four hours in a day to make
your dreams come true.
OGGY
It's just such bullshit.
BARRY
What is?
A trim woman in tight yoga pants walks by.
BARRY (CONT'D)
(quietly)
She was in Fast and The Furious.
Oggy looks at her and shakes his head.
OGGY
All of it. My back's fucked up. I
hurt my shoulder on a ticket. It's
just one bullshit day after
another.
BARRY
Let me give you a piece of advice.
Think positive. Look at me. I'm 50 years
old and I don't give a fuck what my parents think of me.
OGGY
I gotta go work out.
CUT TO:
INT. DRY SAUNA - SAME DAY
Oggy is sitting in the sauna, mopping his face. He picks
up the entertainment part of the LA Times.
CU: Kaufman's latest script sells for $2.3 Million. The
yoga woman enters the sauna. Oggy smiles and wipes his
face.
OGGY
It's like a sauna in here. Heh!
The girl doesn't acknowledge Oggy. Oggy looks at the
paper.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S HOUSE
Oggy sits in his room looking at: CU on "WRITING JOB FOR
E-COMMERCE BUSINESS"
OGGY
$9 an hour? Jesus Christ. They
want a bachelor's in English for
$9 an hour.
Oggy leans back and puffs on a joint. He closes his eyes.
CUT TO:
INT. FANCY OFFICE
Oggy walks by in a nice suit. He nods to a sexy
secretary.
BOSS
Your work on the Nike account was
just what we needed. That alone is
going to pay for a new
branch...and I want you to head
the marketing department Oggy.
OGGY
Where is it?
BOSS
Bali. We landed an export
agreement with Fiji. You like
islands don't you?
Oggy smiles.
OGGY
I love islands.
CUT TO:
EXT. THATCH RESTAURANT IN FIJI - DAY
Oggy sips on a tall cocktail.
BARTENDER
You alright, Oggy?
OGGY
I think I'm gonna quit my job.
Retire. Why chase dollars all my
life?
Oggy throws a stack of papers into the garbage. He grabs
a boogie board and plunges into the surf. The sound of
water surrounds him.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S HOUSE
One of the dogs is taking a piss on Oggy's rug. The sound
wakes him up from his daydream.
OGGY
Jane! Jesus!
GEORGE (O.S.)
Jane! Get in here! No supper for
you.
Oggy looks at the puddle of piss on his rug. He taps some
ashes onto the puddle.
CUT TO:
INT. LABOR HALL
Oggy and the gang are playing poker.
OGGY
I'll raise you one green M&M.
BOOTS
Shit. I'll see your M&M and raise
you two half-eaten donuts.
OGGY
Call. I got three Kings.
Boots lays down an Ace high straight. He sweeps up the
pot, dropping a crumb cake onto the ground. He picks it
up and eats it.
BOOTS
The sweet taste of victory. Lucky
I brought my teeth today!
OGGY
Cunt!
MEXICAN
Can anyone make it downtown in
twenty minutes? Hot ticket!
OGGY
Downtown? Where, Culver City?
BOOTS
Westchester?
SPORTY
Century City?
TRAMP
Beverly Hills?
MEXICAN
Naw. L.A.
BOOTS
Fuck that.
SPORTY
Bullshit.
TRAMP
Where's L.A?
SPORTY
We in L.A.
OGGY
How much it pay?
MEXICAN
You want it?
OGGY
How much it pay. I gotta make some
coin this week.
MEXICAN
It pay good. You'll be real happy.
OGGY
I'll take it. If I can get some
gas I'll take it.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S CAR - DAY
Oggy is stuck in traffic. An SUV passes him with Maria
Shriver talking on a cell phone.
OGGY
Oh, what the fuck?
Oggy sees the skyline of Downtown Los Angeles in the
distance. It is covered by a veil of haze.
DJ
Another scorcher today. Eighties
near the beach and up to one
hundred inland. The Valley has
reported temperatures over 110.
OGGY
Christ! Thank god I don't have to
go there. Come on!
Oggy hits the horn button but nothing comes out of the
car. Oggy holds his stomach.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Ah!
EXT. DOWNTOWN L.A.
Oggy is looking at a map and at the buildings. He sees
where he is supposed to be.
OGGY
Please, just give me one place to
park. One spot!
Oggy passes a spot with a shopping cart in it. A homeless
guy peeks his head out of his fortress.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Hey! I'll pay you a dollar for
that spot.
SHOPPING CART GUY
Goin' rate is eleven dollars.
OGGY
I don't have eleven dollars!
SHOPPING CART GUY
Then you don't got a place to
park.
OGGY
Motherfucker. Burn in hell!
Oggy peels out and searches in vain for another parking
spot. He sees a parking lot charging $15. Another charges
$18. He returns to the shopping cart guy just in time to
see an SUV park in the spot. The shopping cart guy is
counting his money. Oggy clutches his stomach.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Ah!
Oggy drives to another spot and parks. He looks at a
series of signs on the street that say "2 HOUR PARKING
EXCEPT FOR TUESDAYS. PERMIT A EXEMPT. NO PARKING FOR
STREET CLEANING WEDNESDAY. ONE HOUR PARKING ON MONDAY. NO
PARKING BETWEEN 4-7. ALL OTHER TIMES FOUR HOUR PARKING
EXCEPT SUNDAY." Oggy looks around.
OGGY (CONT'D)
What's the worse that can happen?
Oggy closes the door and runs into the high rise
building.
INT. HIGH RISE BUILDING - DAY
Oggy is being shown around the floors by his supervisor.
SUPERVISOR
It's hard to tell where the
season's going. Injuries. That's
the bugaboo.
OGGY
It's tough to repeat in any sport.
SUPERVISOR
The Lakers just need to execute. Oh,
here we are. Your office.
Oggy is led into a closet filled with florescent tube
light bulbs.
SUPERVISOR (CONT'D)
Orders come to Darryl. You met
Darryl?
OGGY
I don't know.
SUPERVISOR
Orders come to Darryl. He forwards
them to Maureen (she's the fatty
on 15) and Maureen feeds them to
me. Then I deliver them to you, or
more accurately, you come collect
them from my desk. OK?
OGGY
I got it.
SUPERVISOR
Sometimes we'll need you to fill
in at the mail room. Or we need
help moving an office. If you can
do that then we'll get along fine.
You from Work-a-Day?
OGGY
Yes.
SUPERVISOR
I came from Work-a-Day too. That
was six years ago. They hired me
after a week and I ain't never
looked back. Got a good pay check
every two weeks. Good co-pay.
Pension. Softball games. You'll
like it here, Oggy.
OGGY
Six years?
SUPERVISOR
Yes sir. It went by in the blink
of an eye.
(snaps fingers)
Like that! You do your time,
they'll treat you right.
Supervisor walks out and the door closes on Oggy with SFX
of a jail cell door closing. The door has a tiny window
through which we can see Oggy's eyes, wide and scared.
CUT TO:
EXT. DOWNTOWN L.A.
Oggy pulls a parking ticket off his car. He pulls out and
the shopping cart guy moves into the spot. Oggy is then
stuck in westbound traffic. He passes a car that is in
flames and doesn't turn his head.
DJ
Traffic got you down? Don't be
blue! Monday's over and Tuesday
will be too! Here's some Franki
Valli and the Four Seasons to
cheer you up.
"Who loves you" by Franki Valli fades in from the radio
as Oggy loses himself in the song. A truck full of
illegal immigrants is pulled over nearby and they all
begin to run from the cops. Oggy doesn't notice the
chaos.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S HOUSE
Oggy is watching a tennis match with George and the dogs.
GEORGE
This is the set where Nadal really
broke him. He was flawless.
OGGY
It's the clay. He can't be beaten.
GEORGE
Look at that!
OGGY
Well, I'm off to bed. They want me
back at that place tomorrow. One
day and I'm already sick of it. Wanna
kill myself.
GEORGE
Must be nice to work in a big sky
scraper. There's a good future in
those companies.
OGGY
A future? No. There's a casket
waiting at the end of a very long
hallway. A casket with your name
on it.
GEORGE
Look at that serve!
Oggy gets up and goes in his room. He picks up a pile of
dog shit. The bathroom door opens and intense club music
pours out with a half-dressed John.
JOHN
You wanna drive me to Hollywood
park tonight? I met two strippers
last night.
OGGY
I got work in the morning. I gotta
take the bus to downtown Los
Angeles or else I'll never make
any money.
JOHN
These girls want to party.
OGGY
What can I do?
JOHN
Can you loan me ten bucks.
OGGY
I can't loan myself ten bucks. I
gotta buy a bus pass.
JOHN
That's cool. Listen. This summer
we're gonna get wasted and bike
down the beach.
OGGY
Fine.
JOHN
Peace dude.
OGGY
Hey, could you keep the music
down?
JOHN
What? I couldn't hear you. The
music was too loud.
OGGY
Turn the music down. I gotta
sleep.
JOHN
Of course buddy.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S HOUSE
Oggy is laying bed. The clock reads 2:30. Techno music
pours out of John's room. The door to Oggy's room opens
up. A stripper looks in.
STRIPPER
Oh! I thought this was the
bathroom!
OGGY
No. It's just my fucking room.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S HOUSE - MORNING
Oggy is eating a piece of toast as he walks out the door.
GEORGE
Have a good day at work, honey.
Don't forget to wipe your ass! Hey, did I ever tell you about...
Oggy walks out the gate and looks at his watch.
OGGY
Shit!
He begins to run with the toast in his mouth. Sheena Easton's "9 to
5" plays during the following montage.
INT. STUDIO EXECUTIVE BOARD ROOM
A well dress studio executive sits with a script in his
hands. He flips over the last page.
STUDIO HEAD
Amazing. Oggy...you are brilliant.
Didn't you think so, Harvey?
Harvey is another studio executive sitting nearby.
HARVEY
The next Abby Mann. No doubt about
it. Oggy, we're giving you a blank
check on this. No negotiation. Just
write the number you want.
Pull back to reveal Oggy (34) sitting across the table from
the executives. Oggy has slicked back hair, shiny, smooth
chin. His clothes are from the best boutiques on Rodeo Drive.
OGGY
It's not about the money, Harv. How
many times do I have to tell you?
It's about the projects. Are they
meaningful? This one is. I'm glad
you agree.
STUDIO HEAD
Agree? We're thinking Tom Hanks as
the lead. We've got Hanks, right?
HARVEY
He said he wanted Oggy's next
project sight unseen. So there you
go.
STUDIO HEAD
So there you go. Oggy stands.
OGGY
I'll let you fellas take it from
here.
Oggy exits.
CUT TO:
EXT. VALET PARKING
An attendant hands Oggy the keys to his convertible Mazerati.
OGGY
Nice wax job.
ATTENDANT
Nothing but the best for you, Mr.
Bleacher. Sold another script?
OGGY
Looks like it.
ATTENDANT
You just can't miss.
OGGY
I'm happy for the opportunity.
Look. Get yourself something nice
for the weekend.
Oggy hands the attendant a $100 bill.
ATTENDANT
Thanks! Thanks a lot, Mr. Bleacher!
Oggy speeds off as the light turns green. He pulls up next to
a car full of hot girls. They turn to look at him.
HOT GIRLS
Is that Oggy Bleacher, the hot new
screenwriter? Get him to come home
with us.
OGGY
Sorry, I'm taken.
Oggy speeds off. He stops at a stop light. The sun is shining
on his evenly tanned face. Supertramp's "Dreamer" plays on
the Bose stero speakers. He smiles as a homeless person comes
over an knocks on his windshield.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Hey, Pops, I'll pay you a dollar
not to touch the car. Just had it
waxed.
The homeless guy doesn't hear. He knocks on the windshield
again and again and again...
MATCH CUT TO:
EXT. DAY LABOR HALL - DAY
A Mexican is knocking on a faded grey 1981 Datsun. Oggy,
bearded and dressed in paint-spattered clothes is sleeping in
the front seat, dreaming of this other life.
MEXICAN
Oggy! You want to work? Oggy wakes
up.
OGGY
What?
MEXICAN
Work. You want a ticket?
OGGY
Ah, fuck. You got a ticket?
MEXICAN
Yeah.
OGGY
How much it pay?
MEXICAN
You want it?
OGGY
Yeah. How much it pay?
MEXICAN
Minimum.
OGGY
What the fuck. The bathroom still
broke?
MEXICAN
Yeah.
OGGY
I'll see you in a minute. Gotta
piss.
Oggy rubs his face as the Mexican walks back to the labor
hall. Oggy looks at his red eyes in the rear view mirror, a
picture of weariness and poverty.
OGGY (CONT'D)
You ugly motherfucker.
Oggy gets out and zips up his pants. He then goes behind the
building and pisses on the wall. Then he hauls himself inside
the labor hall which is full of homeless transients.
CUT TO:
INT. LABOR HALL - DAY
OGGY
Where's the ticket?
BOOTS
Get enough sleep, Boston boy?
OGGY
Yeah. I shagged your old lady in
the trunk.
A few chuckles.
BOOTS
I'll give you my next ticket if you
keep her there.
OGGY
Deal.
Oggy picks up a ticket on the counter.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Gloves?
MEXICAN
All gone.
OGGY
Where's the ticket?
MEXICAN
Pacific Palisades.
OGGY
How the fuck am I gonna get to the
Palisades?
MEXICAN
You car.
OGGY
Cost me more in gas, man.
MEXICAN
That don't make your problem my
problem.
OGGY
Bunch of bullshit.
MEXICAN
You want to give the ticket back?
OGGY
And let one of these degenerates
take it? No. Fuck it. It's only
money.
MEXICAN
Then get going.
CUT TO:
EXT. PACIFIC PALISADES MANSION - DAY
Oggy is on his hands and knees tearing weeds out of the dirt.
An old lady stands nearby in a broad shade hat.
OLD LADY
The last man didn't get all the
weeds. You'll get all the weeds,
won't you?
Oggy looks up and wipes sweat from his eyes.
OGGY
What'll you do if I miss some
weeds? Call the police? Jesus!
OLD LADY
Rude.
Old lady walks away. Oggy tears some more weeds (he has no
gloves) and cuts his finger.
OGGY
Cunt!
CUT TO:
INT. LABOR HALL - NIGHT
Oggy walks in. The same people are looking at the sports
pages.
BOOTS
Motherfuker ain't done yet? How
many days you work in a row, Boston
boy?
OGGY
Take it one day at a time.
BOOTS
Damn. You'll be eating right
tonight.
OGGY
Steak and beer. How much this
ticket net me?
Mexican takes the ticket and calculates some numbers.
MEXICAN
Thirty-five dollars. Mexican counts
out a few bills.
OGGY
Better than a scratch on the ass.
BOOTS
Better than a tick on your prick.
OGGY
You said it.
Oggy takes the money and salutes the men.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Don't work too hard, fellas. They
might kick you off unemployment.
BOOTS
And what good would that do? For
the economy, I mean.
OGGY
Who the fuck knows? G'night all.
Oggy exits. He walks to his car. He sees a man sleeping on a
park bench.
WINO
Boston!
OGGY
Yo! Feelin' better?
WINO
Yep. My doctor said I had a whiskey
deficiency.
OGGY
No kidding?
Wino holds up a pint of whiskey.
WINO
And he was right!
OGGY
Who's you're HMO? Mine ain't worth
shit.
Wino laughs until he coughs. Oggy gets in his car and starts
it up. "Back in the High Life Again" by Steve Windwood plays
on the radio. The gas gauge reads empty.
CUT TO:
EXT. GAS STATION - MOMENTS LATER
Oggy carefully pumps $1.75 into the tank of his car. That's
.48 Gallons. A homeless guy wanders by.
HOMELESS GUY #1
Spare some change, governor?
OGGY
Dude, I ain't got shit.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT
Oggy parks his car and walks past a gate. Four dogs surround
him.
OGGY
Who's a good dog? Janie? Woofie?
Petey? Missy? Who's been a good dog
today?
George (60) meets Oggy at the door. George is an old man
dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops.
GEORGE
Must be nice to be working.
OGGY
Shit. Where's Freddy?
GEORGE
I broke up with him. You know he
lied to me.
OGGY
How's that?
GEORGE
He told me he was 17 years old.
OGGY
And.
GEORGE
And that's too old for me.
George laughs and plays with the dogs.
GEORGE (CONT'D)
There's a nice stew for you. Got it
at Costco for 89 Cents a pound.
OGGY
What's in it?
GEORGE
Lengua. I told Freddy he needed to
use his tongue more. Oggy looks at
his mail.
GEORGE (CONT'D)
Stephen Spielberg write you yet?
Oggy holds up some junk mail.
OGGY
No, but Mastercard did, and they're
richer.
GEORGE
CNN did a story on credit cards.
Said they'll be broke in five years
from fraud and defaults.
OGGY
Live by the sword, die by the
sword.
GEORGE
You should've seen Nadal today at
the Australian open. Flawless.
OGGY
That's my boy. I gotta go.
Oggy wanders past a "Clay Aiken" poster into the kitchen.
Looks in the pot on the stove. Takes out a cow tongue.
GEORGE (O.S.)
Back at the script?
OGGY
You know me. A slave to the art.
GEORGE (O.S.)
Have some stew.
OGGY
Later. Save me some.
On George: George points at the four dogs.
GEORGE
If you don't eat it, they will.
OGGY (O.S.)
I feel like rolling the dice,
George. Take my chances.
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM
Oggy goes into the bathroom and starts to take a piss. As
soon as he relaxes, another door opens. In walks a slobbish
year old, JOHN.
JOHN
Hey, Oggy. Give me a ride to the
casino?
OGGY
Got no money.
JOHN
I'll give you $40 plus gas.
OGGY
Feeling lucky?
JOHN
Dude. Totally.
OGGY
Maybe later.
JOHN
Cool. Just wake me up if I fall
asleep.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S ROOM
Oggy walks into his tiny room. 10 X 10. One small window
covered by iron bars. Oggy picks up a pile of dog shit with a
newspaper.
OGGY
Just once could you keep the dogs
out of my room!
GEORGE (O.S.)
It was Janie!
A helicopter flies by outside with a spot light shining down
nearby.
HELICOPTER POLICE
Step out of the vehicle!
Oggy sits down and starts up his computer. The phone rings.
Oggy answers it.
OGGY
Yep?
OGGY'S FATHER
Hello Oggy.
OGGY
Hey, dad.
OGGY'S FATHER
You just get back?
OGGY
Pretty much.
OGGY'S FATHER
What are you doing?
OGGY
Working like a dog.
OGGY'S FATHER
You get that fellowship?
Oggy looks at an incomplete application for a creative
writing fellowship. He throws it in the trash.
OGGY
Naw. They gave it to some rich
asshole.
OGGY'S FATHER
Well, you can always come home.
OGGY
Great. Who am I gonna stay with?
OGGY'S FATHER
Get an apartment.
OGGY
And a job?
OGGY'S FATHER
You have to work. I don't know what
want from me.
OGGY
What kind of advice are you handing
out?
OGGY'S FATHER
Just a suggestion.
OGGY
Opposed to what? Killing myself?
OGGY'S FATHER
Are you thinking about killing
yourself?
OGGY
Thinking about...? I'm a fucking
mule! Do they allow mules in
Heaven?
OGGY'S FATHER
Whatever, Oggy.
OGGY
Yeah, whatever. Write that on my
gravestone.
OGGY'S FATHER
Went out to dinner with Brooklyn.
OGGY
Good for you.
OGGY'S FATHER
Had the filet. Brooklyn makes good
money.
OGGY
Well good for Brooklyn. Some people
got a good life.
OGGY'S FATHER
Some people have careers.
OGGY
I'm a writer! That's what I do. I
gotta go write.
Oggy hangs up. He logs on to the internet and types... CU:
Address bar "www.youngwhoressuckblackcock.com" Oggy hits
enter. His face lights up.
OGGY (CONT'D)
That's the stuff!
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S ROOM - NEXT MORNING
Oggy is laying in bed. A clock reads 11.15. A television with
bunny ear antenna shows a Mexican soap opera. A man dressed
as a cowboy is arguing with a flamenco dancer. Oggy wakes up
and turns the television off. He opens the door of the
bathroom and finds John slumped over the toilet. John vomits
again.
OGGY
You ate George's stew?
JOHN
Awwww!
John points into the toilet.
JOHN (CONT'D)
Does that look like a kidney to
you?
Oggy looks into the toilet. Makes a face.
OGGY
Jesus! Whatever it is, you don't
need it anymore.
Oggy goes back into his room and pisses into a snapple
bottle. It overflows onto the rug.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Motherfucker!
Oggy walks through the swarm of dogs. George calls from his
bed. He's got an ice pack on his shoulder.
GEORGE
Nadal plays in the finals this
afternoon.
OGGY
Tivo it.
GEORGE
Of course. You get some of that
stew.
OGGY
Delicious.
GEORGE
Good.
OGGY
You feeling alright?
GEORGE
Got the spins again. Vertigo. Fell
down the steps.
OGGY
If it doesn't kill you...
GEORGE
...you'll wish it did. You going to
work.
OGGY
Don't know. I think I'm losing
money by working at that place.
GEORGE
It adds up.
OGGY
It's a bullshit ticket. I'm
supposed to be getting my foot in
the door. But it's not working out.
GEORGE
I got a friend who worked on that
movie.
OGGY
Which one?
GEORGE
That one with the alien.
OGGY
E.T.?
GEORGE
No. The Day the Earth Stopped.
OGGY
The Day the Earth Stood Still?
GEORGE
That's the one! Good movie.
OGGY
George, that was made in 1951!
GEORGE
That long ago?
OGGY
The crew of that must all be dead
now.
GEORGE
Uh, don't remind me. I took my wife
to that. Back when I was straight.
You know where Costco is?
OGGY
Yeah?
GEORGE
That was a drive in theater. And in
the winter they'd race horses.
Well, I don't want to keep you from
work.
OGGY
Right. Take care of yourself.
GEORGE
You bet. Pick us up some weed while
you're out.
OGGY
No problem.
Oggy walks out of the house.
EXT. VENICE BEACH - DAY
Oggy takes a seat near a basketball game. Someone hands him a
joint and he smokes it.
OGGY
What's swinging?
BEACH BUM
Same old scene.
OGGY
That's the way I like it. They
hiring guys to pick up litter?
BEACH BUM
A job?
Oggy nods.
BEACH BUM (CONT'D)
I wouldn't know about that.
A controversial play happens on the court. The players look
to Oggy.
BEACH BUM (CONT'D)
Foul!
OGGY
Naw. That was clean.
BEACH BUM
It was all arm.
OGGY
He travelled. And he charged.
BEACH BUM
So they cancel out?
OGGY
Yep.
BEACH BUM
Play on!
The players play on again. A couple girls in sun skirts walk
by.
BEACH BUM (CONT'D)
Fucking cock magnets.
OGGY
Damn. How hot's the water?
BEACH BUM
I don't go in the water. It's
polluted.
OGGY
But how hot is it?
BEACH BUM
Maybe less.
OGGY
Think I'll go for a swim.
Another controversial play happens on the court.
BEACH BUM
Foul!
Oggy nods.
OGGY
Total hack! See ya.
BEACH BUM
What?
Oggy walks away and buys a dollar slice of pizza. He checks
out some girls in bikinis.
OGGY
Wassap!
CUT TO:
INT. DENTIST OFFICE - DAY
Oggy is laying on the chair getting his teeth cleaned.
DENTIST
Lot of build up here. Are you sure
you're flossing?
OGGY
Uuuuh!
DENTIST
Try to brush more on these lower
teeth.
OGGY
Uuuuh!
CUT TO:
INT. LABOR HALL - DAY
Oggy walks in.
BOOTS
Look what the cat drug in!
OGGY
Fellas.
BOOTS
You on banker's hours now?
OGGY
Damn right. A man's entitled to
some rest after pulling back to
back ball busters.
BOOTS
Sheeeet. Back to back. Listen to
this motherfucker. Think's he's a
working man.
OGGY
Any tickets?
BOOTS
Ask the man.
Oggy walks up to the desk.
OGGY
Any tickets?
MEXICAN
Naw. Unless you want the Home Depot
ticket.
OGGY
I'll let you know when I'm
desperate.
Oggy takes a seat next to Boots.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Fucking Dodgers can't win a game.
BOOTS
I got me some pussy last night. Let
me tell you. That shit was tight.
OGGY
Good for you, Boots. Was crackhead
Mary having a sidewalk sale? Give
you half-priced head?
BOOTS
Shit. I don't pay for my pussy just
like I don't pay for my weed. Word!
Hey, baby, you from back east,
right?
OGGY
Sure.
BOOTS
Fella was in this morning he come
from back east too.
OGGY
Well shit. It's a big coast.
BOOTS
Place called Jersey. That near you?
OGGY
Sort of. Bought as close to New
Hampshire as Bakersfield is to L.A.
Maybe further.
BOOTS
Hampshah? That a real place or are
you makin' it up?
OGGY
Naw. It's real. It's a real
motherfucking place.
Close in on Oggy as he closes his eyes.
CUT TO:
EXT. PIRATES'S COVE BEACH - DAY
Close up on a hand placing a cassette tape in a walkman. "You
Give Love A Bad Name" begins to play. Subtitle: 1987 Oggy and
his friends are sitting at the beach.
NICK
You'll play for the Red Sox like
I'm gonna play for the Celtics.
OGGY
You watch. Gedman is due to retire
the same time I'm coming out of
double A Portland. They bring me up
at the deadline and the rest is
history.
DAN
Who's a fag?
OGGY
Nick!
DAN
Nick's a fag!
NICK
Fuck you guys. Just fuck you.
OGGY
Why you gotta be a fag, Nick?
NICK
What are you gonna do if the Red
Sox don't draft you?
OGGY
But they're gonna draft me.
NICK
But what if they don't.
OGGY
Dude, if the Red Sox don't draft me
then I'll just play for another
team. Maybe the Dodgers.
NICK
What if you don't get drafted?
OGGY
Nick, I swear on my life that I'm
going to get drafted. There is no
chance that I'm not gonna get
drafted. And hey, if I don't get
drafted I'll figure something out.
I'll be just fine.
(CONT'D)
CUT TO:
INT. LABOR HALL
DUMPSTER PETE
Found some doughnuts in the
dumpster!
OGGY
Any buttermilk bars?
DUMPSTER PETE
Come see. They all mixed up and
shit. But THEY STILL GOOD!
Hold on Oggy's face as he winces in pain. He watches the
other men rush to the bag of day old donuts. He is
sickened. Finally, Oggy goes and looks in the garbage bag
that Pete is holding.
BOOTS
They don't got shit jobs in
Hampshah? You got to move here and
take ours?
Oggy looks around as he eats his donut.
OGGY
Believe me, this wasn't part of my
master plan.
BOOTS
Oh, no? Shit. I thought you was
doing pretty good. Staying out of
jail. Got no support payments. You
doin' A-plus.
SPORTY
That's cause he ain't no 'ho' out
there gonna let him shoot them baby
rockets up in 'er.
OGGY
Hey, Sporty. Who the fuck asked
you?
Sporty goes back to reading the paper.
MEXICAN
Oggy! You want to move furniture?
OGGY
How much?
MEXICAN
You want it?
OGGY
Shit. Where is it? Where's the
ticket?
MEXICAN
Huntington Beach Mall.
OGGY
Shit. An all night ticket?
MEXICAN
Yes. Start at 10:30. Go to 6 am.
BOOTS
That shit cuts into your beatin'
off time, don't it?
OGGY
Why don't you go fuck yourself?
BOOTS
Maybe y'all could beat off during
the ten minute break they give you
around 3 tomorrow morning. Sporty
laughs.
OGGY
Moving what again?
MEXICAN
You know. The furniture. Opening a
new store. Counters and shit.
OGGY
Sounds like a ten an hour job.
MEXICAN
I think they pay minimum.
OGGY
That's bullshit.
MEXICAN
Anyone else want it?
BOOTS
My woman don't like me coming home
after dark. That shit don't fly wit
her.
SPORTY
Hollywood Park got the races
tonight.
The other men say nothing.
MEXICAN
You want it Oggy?
OGGY
Minimum? For moving solid wood
counters at three in the morning?
MEXICAN
Yeah.
OGGY
Fine. What the fuck.
BOOTS
That's my boy!
OGGY
I'm sure they'll have other guys
there.
CUT TO:
INT. HUNTINGTON BEACH MALL - NIGHT
Oggy is pushing a hand truck with a book shelf. A laborer
stands nearby.
LABORER
All them stores. Think about all
the money in them stores. I bet
that store right there has a couple
thousand in sunglasses. I don't
even got me a cheap pair of
sunglasses. Look! That price tag
says five hundred dollars. Hey!
That's close to a thousand dollars
for one pair of sunglasses.
Oggy puts the hand truck down. He rubs his shoulder.
OGGY
Dude. This is gonna be a long
fucking night if you window shop
while we got boxes of furniture to
move.
LABORER
Huh?
OGGY
I already fucked up my shoulder
tonight. Come on. We got to act as
a team.
LABORER
Huh?
Oggy tries to pull the bookshelf back onto the hand truck.
The weight shifts and the shelf and hand truck fall to the
ground. Oggy jumps out of the way.
CUT TO:
EXT. HUNTINGTON BEACH MALL - SUNRISE
Oggy shuffles up to his car as the sun sets. A well dressed
cosmetics service woman walks by in high heels.
COSMETICS LADY
Good morning!
OGGY
Sure it is.
Oggy sits on the trunk of his car and eats some packaged mini
donuts. He checks a bandage on his hand. Then he sits in the
car, leans the seat back and falls asleep.
CUT TO:
EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - DAY
Oggy gets out of his Mazerati. A dog comes running up to
him with a magazine in his mouth. Oggy takes the
magazine.
OGGY
Good boy. Look at that! Mama's on
the cover again.
A gorgeous playboy model is on the cover. Match cut her
pose to the ACTUAL MODEL standing in the doorway, wearing
a red lace nightgown.
MODEL
I've been playing with myself all
afternoon. You better come in here
and satisfy me.
Oggy pats the dog on his head. The dog's tail bangs on
the side of the car.
OGGY
Every dog has his day.
The dog's tail keeps banging on the side of the
car...louder and louder.
CUT TO:
EXT. HUNTINGTON BEACH MALL - DAY
A security guard is banging on the window of Oggy's car.
SECURITY GUARD
Wake up! You can't sleep here.
OGGY
Wa?
SECURITY GUARD
Gotta move on.
OGGY
I worked all night. I didn't want
to fall asleep on the road.
SECURITY GUARD
So go home.
OGGY
Ah, fuck.
CUT TO:
INT. LABOR HALL - DAY
Oggy walks up to the counter. He slams his ticket down.
BOOTS
There he is. The niggah who put
the white back in white bread.
OGGY
That was a bullshit ticket.
MEXICAN
I got bad calls, bro. Bad calls.
OGGY
They had some fucking moron
working with me. Couldn't pick up
his own two feet.
MEXICAN
You making excuses?
The Mexican points to a sign that says "NO EXCUSES!"
OGGY
What that ticket get me?
MEXICAN
They don't even want to pay.
Oggy points to a sign that says "WORK TODAY PAID TODAY"
OGGY
That don't make your problem my
problem. Pay it up or I throw a
fucking chair through that window.
MEXICAN
Fine. You want a check or a
voucher.
Oggy looks in his wallet. He has multiple receipts but no
money.
OGGY
Voucher. Give me the fucking
voucher.
Mexican processes the ticket.
MEXICAN
You get $41.
OGGY
Motherfucker. What a bunch of
bullshit. I can't even eat on $41
let alone pay my rent. Look at
this cut on my hand. Can't even
close my fingers.
BOOTS
They got room for you over at the
mission. You just wasting money on
rent.
OGGY
I told you I'm not going back
there. Fucking guys shit in the
shower, beat off all night. I'd go sleep
with the monkeys at the zoo.
BOOTS
Should make you feel right at
home.
OGGY
How am I gonna fuck your momma?
BOOTS
Oh! That's some shit. You here
what the white boy said.
DUMPSTER PETE
He got you good.
Oggy stands up. He holds his back as he winces in pain.
OGGY
Just kill me. Someone just kill
me. I'm not a slave. I'm a fucking...
sharecropper. Work another man's land
for nothing. Wish I was dead.
DUMPSTER PETE
We all be dead soon enough. Ain't
no hurry.
Oggy walks up to a vending machine. He looks inside and
then fishes around in his pocket. He looks at the change
he finds. Then he sits back down.
CUT TO:
INT. HEALTH CLUB - NIGHT
Oggy then slouches in a chair next to BARRY, an
incredibly fit body builder, who is behind the desk of a
health club.
BARRY
Twenty-four hours in a day to make
your dreams come true.
OGGY
It's just such bullshit.
BARRY
What is?
A trim woman in tight yoga pants walks by.
BARRY (CONT'D)
(quietly)
She was in Fast and The Furious.
Oggy looks at her and shakes his head.
OGGY
All of it. My back's fucked up. I
hurt my shoulder on a ticket. It's
just one bullshit day after
another.
BARRY
Let me give you a piece of advice.
Think positive. Look at me. I'm 50 years
old and I don't give a fuck what my parents think of me.
OGGY
I gotta go work out.
CUT TO:
INT. DRY SAUNA - SAME DAY
Oggy is sitting in the sauna, mopping his face. He picks
up the entertainment part of the LA Times.
CU: Kaufman's latest script sells for $2.3 Million. The
yoga woman enters the sauna. Oggy smiles and wipes his
face.
OGGY
It's like a sauna in here. Heh!
The girl doesn't acknowledge Oggy. Oggy looks at the
paper.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S HOUSE
Oggy sits in his room looking at: CU on "WRITING JOB FOR
E-COMMERCE BUSINESS"
OGGY
$9 an hour? Jesus Christ. They
want a bachelor's in English for
$9 an hour.
Oggy leans back and puffs on a joint. He closes his eyes.
CUT TO:
INT. FANCY OFFICE
Oggy walks by in a nice suit. He nods to a sexy
secretary.
BOSS
Your work on the Nike account was
just what we needed. That alone is
going to pay for a new
branch...and I want you to head
the marketing department Oggy.
OGGY
Where is it?
BOSS
Bali. We landed an export
agreement with Fiji. You like
islands don't you?
Oggy smiles.
OGGY
I love islands.
CUT TO:
EXT. THATCH RESTAURANT IN FIJI - DAY
Oggy sips on a tall cocktail.
BARTENDER
You alright, Oggy?
OGGY
I think I'm gonna quit my job.
Retire. Why chase dollars all my
life?
Oggy throws a stack of papers into the garbage. He grabs
a boogie board and plunges into the surf. The sound of
water surrounds him.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S HOUSE
One of the dogs is taking a piss on Oggy's rug. The sound
wakes him up from his daydream.
OGGY
Jane! Jesus!
GEORGE (O.S.)
Jane! Get in here! No supper for
you.
Oggy looks at the puddle of piss on his rug. He taps some
ashes onto the puddle.
CUT TO:
INT. LABOR HALL
Oggy and the gang are playing poker.
OGGY
I'll raise you one green M&M.
BOOTS
Shit. I'll see your M&M and raise
you two half-eaten donuts.
OGGY
Call. I got three Kings.
Boots lays down an Ace high straight. He sweeps up the
pot, dropping a crumb cake onto the ground. He picks it
up and eats it.
BOOTS
The sweet taste of victory. Lucky
I brought my teeth today!
OGGY
Cunt!
MEXICAN
Can anyone make it downtown in
twenty minutes? Hot ticket!
OGGY
Downtown? Where, Culver City?
BOOTS
Westchester?
SPORTY
Century City?
TRAMP
Beverly Hills?
MEXICAN
Naw. L.A.
BOOTS
Fuck that.
SPORTY
Bullshit.
TRAMP
Where's L.A?
SPORTY
We in L.A.
OGGY
How much it pay?
MEXICAN
You want it?
OGGY
How much it pay. I gotta make some
coin this week.
MEXICAN
It pay good. You'll be real happy.
OGGY
I'll take it. If I can get some
gas I'll take it.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S CAR - DAY
Oggy is stuck in traffic. An SUV passes him with Maria
Shriver talking on a cell phone.
OGGY
Oh, what the fuck?
Oggy sees the skyline of Downtown Los Angeles in the
distance. It is covered by a veil of haze.
DJ
Another scorcher today. Eighties
near the beach and up to one
hundred inland. The Valley has
reported temperatures over 110.
OGGY
Christ! Thank god I don't have to
go there. Come on!
Oggy hits the horn button but nothing comes out of the
car. Oggy holds his stomach.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Ah!
EXT. DOWNTOWN L.A.
Oggy is looking at a map and at the buildings. He sees
where he is supposed to be.
OGGY
Please, just give me one place to
park. One spot!
Oggy passes a spot with a shopping cart in it. A homeless
guy peeks his head out of his fortress.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Hey! I'll pay you a dollar for
that spot.
SHOPPING CART GUY
Goin' rate is eleven dollars.
OGGY
I don't have eleven dollars!
SHOPPING CART GUY
Then you don't got a place to
park.
OGGY
Motherfucker. Burn in hell!
Oggy peels out and searches in vain for another parking
spot. He sees a parking lot charging $15. Another charges
$18. He returns to the shopping cart guy just in time to
see an SUV park in the spot. The shopping cart guy is
counting his money. Oggy clutches his stomach.
OGGY (CONT'D)
Ah!
Oggy drives to another spot and parks. He looks at a
series of signs on the street that say "2 HOUR PARKING
EXCEPT FOR TUESDAYS. PERMIT A EXEMPT. NO PARKING FOR
STREET CLEANING WEDNESDAY. ONE HOUR PARKING ON MONDAY. NO
PARKING BETWEEN 4-7. ALL OTHER TIMES FOUR HOUR PARKING
EXCEPT SUNDAY." Oggy looks around.
OGGY (CONT'D)
What's the worse that can happen?
Oggy closes the door and runs into the high rise
building.
INT. HIGH RISE BUILDING - DAY
Oggy is being shown around the floors by his supervisor.
SUPERVISOR
It's hard to tell where the
season's going. Injuries. That's
the bugaboo.
OGGY
It's tough to repeat in any sport.
SUPERVISOR
The Lakers just need to execute. Oh,
here we are. Your office.
Oggy is led into a closet filled with florescent tube
light bulbs.
SUPERVISOR (CONT'D)
Orders come to Darryl. You met
Darryl?
OGGY
I don't know.
SUPERVISOR
Orders come to Darryl. He forwards
them to Maureen (she's the fatty
on 15) and Maureen feeds them to
me. Then I deliver them to you, or
more accurately, you come collect
them from my desk. OK?
OGGY
I got it.
SUPERVISOR
Sometimes we'll need you to fill
in at the mail room. Or we need
help moving an office. If you can
do that then we'll get along fine.
You from Work-a-Day?
OGGY
Yes.
SUPERVISOR
I came from Work-a-Day too. That
was six years ago. They hired me
after a week and I ain't never
looked back. Got a good pay check
every two weeks. Good co-pay.
Pension. Softball games. You'll
like it here, Oggy.
OGGY
Six years?
SUPERVISOR
Yes sir. It went by in the blink
of an eye.
(snaps fingers)
Like that! You do your time,
they'll treat you right.
Supervisor walks out and the door closes on Oggy with SFX
of a jail cell door closing. The door has a tiny window
through which we can see Oggy's eyes, wide and scared.
CUT TO:
EXT. DOWNTOWN L.A.
Oggy pulls a parking ticket off his car. He pulls out and
the shopping cart guy moves into the spot. Oggy is then
stuck in westbound traffic. He passes a car that is in
flames and doesn't turn his head.
DJ
Traffic got you down? Don't be
blue! Monday's over and Tuesday
will be too! Here's some Franki
Valli and the Four Seasons to
cheer you up.
"Who loves you" by Franki Valli fades in from the radio
as Oggy loses himself in the song. A truck full of
illegal immigrants is pulled over nearby and they all
begin to run from the cops. Oggy doesn't notice the
chaos.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S HOUSE
Oggy is watching a tennis match with George and the dogs.
GEORGE
This is the set where Nadal really
broke him. He was flawless.
OGGY
It's the clay. He can't be beaten.
GEORGE
Look at that!
OGGY
Well, I'm off to bed. They want me
back at that place tomorrow. One
day and I'm already sick of it. Wanna
kill myself.
GEORGE
Must be nice to work in a big sky
scraper. There's a good future in
those companies.
OGGY
A future? No. There's a casket
waiting at the end of a very long
hallway. A casket with your name
on it.
GEORGE
Look at that serve!
Oggy gets up and goes in his room. He picks up a pile of
dog shit. The bathroom door opens and intense club music
pours out with a half-dressed John.
JOHN
You wanna drive me to Hollywood
park tonight? I met two strippers
last night.
OGGY
I got work in the morning. I gotta
take the bus to downtown Los
Angeles or else I'll never make
any money.
JOHN
These girls want to party.
OGGY
What can I do?
JOHN
Can you loan me ten bucks.
OGGY
I can't loan myself ten bucks. I
gotta buy a bus pass.
JOHN
That's cool. Listen. This summer
we're gonna get wasted and bike
down the beach.
OGGY
Fine.
JOHN
Peace dude.
OGGY
Hey, could you keep the music
down?
JOHN
What? I couldn't hear you. The
music was too loud.
OGGY
Turn the music down. I gotta
sleep.
JOHN
Of course buddy.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S HOUSE
Oggy is laying bed. The clock reads 2:30. Techno music
pours out of John's room. The door to Oggy's room opens
up. A stripper looks in.
STRIPPER
Oh! I thought this was the
bathroom!
OGGY
No. It's just my fucking room.
CUT TO:
INT. OGGY'S HOUSE - MORNING
Oggy is eating a piece of toast as he walks out the door.
GEORGE
Have a good day at work, honey.
Don't forget to wipe your ass! Hey, did I ever tell you about...
Oggy walks out the gate and looks at his watch.
OGGY
Shit!
He begins to run with the toast in his mouth. Sheena Easton's "9 to
5" plays during the following montage.
posted by Oggy Bleacher | 12:55 PM
