The Da Vinci Code Review

The Da Vinci Code

By Oggy Bleacher

Just like the Dan Brown book it adapted, Ron Howard’s “The Da Vinci Code” will be viewed and forgotten on every airplane in America. Talk about an empty phenomenon! This marks the third straight Ron Howard/Akiva Goldsman film that has been seriously disappointing. Like “A Beautiful Mind” (2001) and “Cinderella Man” (2005), “The Da Vinci Code” aims for the most easily distracted slice of America. The type of moviegoer who needs to see someone falling into a well in order to register that they fell into a well. With brutally obvious presentation and a step-by-step linear structure, Howard holds the audience’s hand lest they have to think for themselves. Ultimately, his film is so superficial and safe that only the extreme religious right could find offense with it, though the decision to superimpose images from the 17th century over the present day did make me vomit in my popcorn bucket.

The story is in the airport novel (Hunt For Red October, Sahara) tradition of a central male academic being thrust into a web of historical intrigue that only he can unravel. Robert Langdon (Hanks) is a symbologist who teams up with Sophie Neveu (Tautou) after a Louvre curator is killed. A police detective (Reno) gets it in his head that Langdon is a serial killer and thus begins a never-ending chase, as Langdon follow a 2000 year-old trail to find “The Holy Grail.” An Albino Monk is thrown in to complicate matters. Far too many spoilers exist that define what the Holy Grail actually is, and I will not add to them. I will, however, point out that the underlying premise and implications of Langdon’s quest essentially belong in an issue of The Enquirer. Far from “shattering faith” or “causing panic” Langdon’s quest, if true, would merely make for a good movie. Ron Howard seems to forget that we are living in a time when wearing red twine on your wrist or admitting to “Psychic Blockages” constitutes religion. There is no revelation, real or suggested, that would cause human beings to alter their course en mass. Thus, the entire foundation of “The Da Vinci Code” is flawed since it presupposes an impressionable and intelligent audience. The actual history of Jesus Christ is so muddled and murky that short of smiting down George W. Bush with a neon laser bolt, no one would care if Jesus was divine or mortal or a cartoon character that Moses invented. No one! If the indisputable fact that hundreds of priests molested thousands of young boys didn’t “shake the foundations of Christianity” then the possibility that Jesus had sex with one woman definitely won’t.

Logic aside, the film is so evenly crafted it flat-lines after the first five minutes. The characters go on an interesting quest, but the audience is merely a slack-jawed spectator. Dan Brown’s book is at best a diversion from the fact you are traveling at 300 MPH through the stratosphere. Ron Howard’s adaptation can only hope for a similar fate.

Grade: C

The Da Vinci Code

Directed by: Ron Howard

Tom Hanks, Audrey Tatou, Paul Bettany, Ian McKellan, Jean Reno

MPAA Rating: R

Runtime: 149 Minutes

Release Company: Sony Pictures