5 Movies To Look Forward To In 2006 (And 5 More To Dread)

5 Movies To Look Forward To In 2006 (And 5 More To Dread)

By Oggy Bleacher

Movies to Look Forward To:

1. And There Will Be Blood (2006) – P.T. Anderson’s next film is an adaptation of Upton Sinclair’s 1927 novel, “Oil!” Whether he just writes the screenplay or also directs it, Anderson has a unique approach (Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Punch-Drunk Love) that audiences love. Characters of the Southern California based novel include Socialists, preachers, film stars, politicians, businessmen, and laborers. Sounds like rich material for Mr. Anderson’s talents for juggling converging personalities.

2. Dangerous Parking (2006) - The compelling novel by the late Stuart Browne is adapted by Dir. Peter Howitt (Laws of Attraction). The story of filmmaker Noah Arkwright’s battle with his own deadly appetites is at once hilarious and sobering. The book, Browne’s only novel, is akin to Hunter Thompson’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Expect the same combination of uncontrolled drug abuse and eccentric people who simply live more interesting lives than the rest of us. The novel is pure cinema and worth hunting down. If well executed, the movie should be supremely entertaining.

3. V for Vendetta (2006) -Who could get tired of the existential Wachowski brothers? Their latest movie credits James McTeigue (1^st Assistant Director on The Matrix trilogy) as Director, but Andy and Larry W. won’t be too far from the wheel so expect the same mind-blowing FX and attention to detail. Set in the near future of a totalitarian England, hero V (Hugo Weaving) must liberate his people. Graphic novelist Alan Moore is the creator of V as well as The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) and From Hell (2001) so his imagination can’t be questioned. Let’s hope he found the right producers in Joel Silver and the Wachowskis to bring his visions faithfully to life. This was scheduled for a 2005 release but now is slated for a March ’06 premier.

4. The Da Vinci Code (2006) – Ron Howard guns for his second Oscar with this adaptation of the immensely popular Dan Brown novel investigating the mystery behind Leonardo Da Vinci’s artwork. Add a screenplay by Akiva Goldsmith (A Beautiful Mind), Tom Hanks as the lead with support from Audrey Tautou and Sir Ian McKellan and you have pure gold. Will Ron Howard get in the way of the story with pointless camera work, or will his camera work amplify the complicated historical puzzle? I’m betting on the latter. Don’t spoil the movie by reading the book first. This should be fantastic.

5. Mister Lonely (2006) – Harmony Korine wrote the arresting Kids (1995) when he was 22 years old. He wrote Gummo two years later. Julien Donkey-Boy arrived in 1999. Then he got back together with Dir. Larry Clark for Ken Park (2002). Korine focuses on images and characters that have predictably repelled mainstream audiences: Cat-killers, miscarriages, pedophiles, white trash drunks, skateboarders and gutter punks are involved in head-scratching insanity in Korine’s universe. Nevertheless, Korine is leading a wave of new filmmakers like Todd Solondz (Happiness) and Vincent Gallo (Buffalo ’66) who are sick of Dukes of Hazzard remakes and are doing something about it. Mister Lonely promises to be Korine’s most mature work yet. Remember: Critics called Orson Wells self-obsessed and insane too.

Honorable mention:

300 (2006) - Frank Miller (Sin City) wrote a multi-part graphic novel about the 480 B.C. Battle of Thermopylae. Director of Dawn of the Dead (2004), Zack Snyder, helms the adaptation. 300 should realize every theme Oliver Stone massacred in Alexander (2004).

Movies to Dread:

1. Clerks II (2006) – When I first learned that Kevin Smith’s Clerks (1994) would have a sequel, I screamed involuntarily. Now I feel compelled to warn the world. Clerks Uno is the first cancer cell that replicated into the tumor colony also known as Mallrats (1995), Chasing Amy (1997), Dogma (1999), and (gag) Jersey Girl (2004). To return to his uninspired origins when the world hasn’t yet recovered from Jersey Girl, is just cruel. Give us more time, Kevin! Please! Miramax seems to think the title of this film will be “The Passion of the Clerks.” That would have been mildly amusing about two years ago. It was mildly amusing when South Park used it with “The Passion of the Jew”. Now it is just sad and most likely won’t parody anything but itself. Smith probably ran out of ideas following the creative burst it took to write Jersey Girl. Maybe his housekeeper suggested the title…or a coffee barista. How about this one, Kevin? Clerks Rehired: You Thought The Worst Was Over.

2. Flags of Our Fathers (2006) – Clint Eastwood directs the latest attempt to take an audience and strangle them to tears with “HONOR!, STRENGTH!, and COURAGE!” Hasn’t Eastwood learned anything from “against all odds” re-runs like Cinderella Man (2005) and Seabiscuit (2003)? A movie about the men who famously raised the flag at Iwo Jima? 70,000 Marines dislodged 20,000 Japanese after bombing the island for 10 weeks? Jeez, I wonder how it ends?! Unless the sad irony of Ira Hayes is highlighted this film should bring everyone to tears for all the wrong reasons.

3. Revolver (2005) - It’s official: Madonna is the new Yoko Ono. The Immaterial Girl somehow convinced husband Guy Ritchie to plug Kabbalah in his latest film Revolver (aka Return to Abbey Road). For those who loved Snatch (2000), Revolver promised to be a return to the refreshing English Gangsta genre. For those who loved Ritchie’s ghastly Madonna vehicle, Swept Away (2002), I pity you. Like some flesh-eating parasite, Lady Madonna is using Ritchie to advance her own insane cult. I Googled “Kabbalah” and twenty minutes later a “Light and Gravity Advisor” was knocking on my door. Coincidence or Creepy? Madonna-Ono’s involvement scared all sane U.S. distributors off this flick which is why it premiered in the UK and then was “swept away”. Unless you can get a Russian-made bootleg, Americans must await the official DVD release, which will probably be sold only to Kabbalah followers. Does Madonna think she’s Tom Cruise or something?

4. M:i:III (2006) Philip Seymour Hoffman either has a kid in private school, big gambling debts, or he has been possessed by the demon spirit of film-whore Kevin Bacon. Seymour’s participation in Mission: Impossible: III is traitorous. (No, I didn’t add too many colons. M : I : III is the official title, which should tell you everything you need to know about this mess) J.J. Abrams directs his first feature, having learned the craft of shit-shucking as a writer of the already forgotten Alias series, Lost, and the horrific Armageddon (1998). With these credits I wouldn’t hire Abrams to write me a birthday card, let alone direct a movie. The “impossible mission” is to make a good movie starring Tom Cruise. I look forward to M:i:III like I look forward to a “Clay Aikens Sings Streisand” CD. That my hero Philip Seymour Hoffman is involved just makes me feel betrayed AND nauseous. Et tu, Philip? Et tu?

5. Rambo IV (2006) – It’s true. John Rambo didn’t retire after destroying the Russian army in Afghanistan back in 1988. Maddening, but true. Did he join the Taliban? No. Become an Al-Qaeda operative? Nope. Rambo simply went into hiding again and grew close to a girl who vanishes (shock!), which forces him to rescue her (Gasp!) I wonder if guns and knives will be involved? Writer/Director Sylvester Stallone reportedly put a piece of tape over the “III” in Rambo III (1988) and wrote “IV”. Then he started filming. The reason Sly was in a hurry was because he had to write and direct Rocky VI: Rocky Balboa (2007), which is actually the first occurrence of a writer/director remaking one of his own films. Something to look forward to if we survive 2006.

Dis-Honorable Mention:

The Pink Panther (2006) – Everyone loves Steve Martin, but the final word was written on the bumbling Inspector Jacques Clouseau by Peter Sellers in 1978. Ten years ago Martin might have pulled this role off with some energy. Today he is 61 years old and his physical comedy is completely predictable. I can already hear his irritating fake French accent. Skip this and rent the original.